God has blessed us with some wonderful relationships in our walk on this earth. Jim had the opportunity to learn from a man, Dr. Kellemen, who loves the Lord and simply wants to help heal the hurts that folks endure, but he is adamant that we all look to the Lord, first and last, for guidance in soul care and spiritual direction. His passion is for relationship with the Lord leading to relationships with people. This “spiritual father” to Jim and a former colleague, Susan Ellis, have teamed up to publish a book about women’s historical roles in soul care and spiritual direction.
We are posting a couple of questions that they have answered about the book as well as a couple about the ministry that Dr. K. has founded. Why do we post this here? Because we want to share some of the blessings that God has brought to us through the wisdom and diligence of those going into history and helping us learn how to deal with very present hurts and needs.
14. Many have heard of the theologian Augustine. Tell us about his mother, Monica, and her ministry in his life.
The name of Monica (331-387), mother of Augustine, is perhaps the best known of the Church Mothers. What we know about Monica we learn almost entirely from her son’s autobiography Confessions. Because we are fortunate enough to have Confessions, we can easily identify the most influential person in his spiritual life. Monica, his mother, stands out above all others as the spiritual guide and anchor, indeed, as the determinative relationship in his life.
Monica spent years suffering over her son’s pagan lifestyle until his conversion and commitment to Christian ministry. In the Confessions, which Augustine addressed to God, we hear of her reconciling witness to her wayward son. “In fact, as a boy I had heard about the eternal life that had been promised to us through the humility of the Lord our God’s lowering himself to our pride, and already I was stamped with the sign of his cross, already seasoned with his salt from the womb of my mother, who put great hope in You. . . . My fleshly mother was disturbed, because she more lovingly brooded over my eternal salvation, with a pure heart in Your faith.”
Coming to faith, Augustine describes a scenario to which every believing woman with an unbelieving husband can relate. “Thus already I believed, as did my mother and all the household, my father alone excepted, who nonetheless did not drive out the authority of my mother’s piety so that I did not believe in Christ, inasmuch as he did not yet believe. For my mother busied herself in order that You might be my Father, my God, rather than he, and in this matter You helped her so that she might overcome her husband, to whom she was subject . . .”
Christian mothers need to hear Monica’s voice. She confidently spoke and personified the reality that a mother’s piety can drown out a father’s irreverence. She also reminds mothers that they do not have to be both mother and father. In the absence of a believing father, Monica pointed her son to his ultimate Father, rather than trying to be a surrogate father.
Augustine reserves his final testimonial to his mother’s spiritual direction for her spiritual conversations with him in her dying days and hours.
“Thus we were talking alone together very sweetly, forgetting past events and stretching out to those ahead of us. We were seeking between us in the presence of truth, which You are, to think how the future eternal life of the saints would be, the life “which eye has not seen nor ear heard, nor had it entered the heart of man” (Is. 64:4; 1 Cor. 2:9). We opened wide the mouth of our heart to the supernatural streams of Your fountain, the fountain of life, which is with You, so that being sprinkled from it according to our power of comprehension, w might in some way reflect on so great a thing.”
Picture it. Mother and son. Leaning on a window, viewing the garden of their house, talking of eternal hope, knowing that she would soon be leaving this world behind. Imagine the encouragement in the midst of sadness that Monica brought her son.
When Monica passed away, Augustine wept. He lost his best spiritual friend. He lost the most important person in his life. He lost the earthly mother who led him to know his heavenly Father. Augustine grieved. But he grieved with hope because Monica had encouraged him with words of life.
15. Sometimes we may get the impression that when women “counsel” it is all emotion and empathy and “touchy-feely.” You found that while women counsel with emotion, they also were unafraid to confront boldly in love. Could you share some examples of that? What could we learn from this today?
Susan: One of my favorite stories is about Laura Haviland. If you read much about her, you’ll quickly see that she was a devout Christian, very much against slavery, and made no apologies for either. And yet she had the capacity to engage many slave owners and sympathizers in meaningful conversations.
One day she was talking to man who was a Sunday school teacher in his church. He told Laura that he’d have no problem turning in a runaway slave in order to collect the reward money. At that, Laura said she could no longer acknowledge him as a brother in Christ. He was quite offended, saying that was the most uncharitable thing he’d heard. They talked a bit longer, and he asked her to return to his home later that evening to discuss additional points of Scripture related to the topic. She said she would be in prayer before their next encounter and he agreed to do the same. When she returned later that night, he told her there wasn’t anything to discuss because he didn’t think his arguments would stand up. He died not long after that. Laura learned from his widow that he had a great deal of respect for Laura and his attitude toward “colored” people had changed after his conversation with her and that he “died a happy soul.”
One of the most challenging things about writing the book was deciding which women to include and which vignettes. Because Sojourner Truth was included in Bob’s book Beyond the Suffering, we opted not to write about her in Sacred Friendships. But there’s a great story about her at a meeting in Faneuil Hall in Boston. There was quite a large crowd in attendance, including Frederick Douglas who was one of the key speakers. As he was discussing the wrongs done to their race he became more and more worked up, to the point that he concluded the only way to resolve the issue was by blood; they must fight for themselves because the whites weren’t going to do it for them. He sat down and in the midst of the quiet hush Sojourner Truth stood up and simply said in a voice that everyone could hear, “Frederick, is God dead?” An eyewitness of the account says the entire tenor of the meeting changed in a flash. The abuses were very real, but Sojourner thought the conclusion about how to resolve the issue was misguided and she wasn’t afraid to say so.
Over and over again we see one unshakable commonality among all the women in the book. They are supremely focused on Christ. That’s something that we all need, whether male or female. When we are grounded in the Lord, we can be freed up to say the bold things, but we must do it in love.
I (Susan) think that sometimes women are afraid that if they speak boldly, they’ll be viewed as harsh, masculine, or unloving; that they think to speak boldly, especially when it’s a hard or confrontational truth, they won’t be seen as loving. What I hope women will come to realize is that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to say the hard thing, even if means rejection. Loving enough to risk the relationship takes enormous courage, but it is no doubt godly love.
23. Tell us about your speaking, writing, and consulting through RPM Ministries.
Bob: I believe that most Christians care deeply, but struggle to speak the truth in love. RPM Ministries exists to equip lay people, pastors, educators, students, and Christian counselors to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth. We do so by speaking, writing, and consulting about Christ-centered, comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed biblical counseling and spiritual formation.
Our passion is to empower the church and para-church to care like Christ. As a result, God’s people enter deeply into one another’s lives and make a significant different in the lives of hurting and hardened people.
RPM is our acrostic for Resurrection Power Multipliers. We based the concept upon Paul’s prayer in Philippians 3:10, “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering.”
We want to raise up a new generation of biblical counselors and spiritual friends who live out 1 Thessalonians 2:8. “I loved you so much that I gave you not only the Scriptures, but my own soul, because you were dear to me.”
To learn more about RPM Ministries, please visit www.rpmministries.org.
24. How can people get in touch with you and how can they learn more about your ministry and about Sacred Friendships?
I can be contacted by email at: rpm.ministries@gmail.com
A free sample chapter of Sacred Friendships is available at: http://bit.ly/1S1haj
Sacred Friendships is on sale at 40% off for $12.99 at: http://bit.ly/MG1l5
To learn more about RPM Ministries, please visit: www.rpmministries.org
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
God's Will and Waiting
Ever question if you put your will before God’s? Well, that is what I have wondered on and off over the last 14 days as we waited to hear whether the house would actually go to settlement (supposed to close Aug 31) after already moving out here to TN. We already know that the delay has had blessings because there is no way that I would have had the house ready on Aug 31; that took us an extra few days (with travel time in there to boot).
Waiting has never been my strength. When I wait, I usually lose faith in whatever it was that I felt so confident about just a short time ago. Yet, through all of the last two weeks, God has reminded me through my Bible reading time, through conversations with friends, through a new devotional my sister’s church is doing, through just about everything that I have read, that His timing is always perfect, and that waiting will draw me closing to Him.
A popular song right now belts out, “While I’m waiting, I will serve you.” As I have waited, I haven’t always done that—I have fretted and worried and wondered in between the times of truly holding tight to His hand and knowing that He will work all things out for our good. Thankfully, He is faithful even when I am not, and this time of waiting has strengthened my desire to learn more about Him, to trust Him in ALL things, and to know that I can forever be confident in His ways, whether I understand them or not.
BTW…
The children are loving their homeschool co-op here, and being near my family has been phenomenal. I was sicker than I have been in more than 2 years, and having the boys able to receive love and guidance and instruction while I was unable to function was such a blessing. God has moved and worked and protected and guided. The family will all be together again briefly this week when Jim flies in today for a conference later this week here in Nashville. He works 7 in a row at the hospital next week, and then he will be done with his work there.
Waiting has never been my strength. When I wait, I usually lose faith in whatever it was that I felt so confident about just a short time ago. Yet, through all of the last two weeks, God has reminded me through my Bible reading time, through conversations with friends, through a new devotional my sister’s church is doing, through just about everything that I have read, that His timing is always perfect, and that waiting will draw me closing to Him.
A popular song right now belts out, “While I’m waiting, I will serve you.” As I have waited, I haven’t always done that—I have fretted and worried and wondered in between the times of truly holding tight to His hand and knowing that He will work all things out for our good. Thankfully, He is faithful even when I am not, and this time of waiting has strengthened my desire to learn more about Him, to trust Him in ALL things, and to know that I can forever be confident in His ways, whether I understand them or not.
BTW…
The children are loving their homeschool co-op here, and being near my family has been phenomenal. I was sicker than I have been in more than 2 years, and having the boys able to receive love and guidance and instruction while I was unable to function was such a blessing. God has moved and worked and protected and guided. The family will all be together again briefly this week when Jim flies in today for a conference later this week here in Nashville. He works 7 in a row at the hospital next week, and then he will be done with his work there.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Whimpering
As I was packing the other day, my dog began to whimper. He followed me around, getting under foot constantly. I had many things to do, and one of them was preparing a better spot for him to ride in. You see, with four children and all our things, usually, the dog gets stuck down at the feet of two of the children when we travel. But, knowing that many trips were coming up, I wanted to prepare a better place for him. He rides well, obeys when we tell him to lie back down, and I wanted to ease his discomfort while also rewarding his good behavior. But, his whimpering was about to drive me mad. He was so concerned about getting left behind that he didn’t notice all the things that I was doing concerning him… bringing his dog dishes, gathering his leash and his brush, removing a seat, placing a blanket, etc. Even once he got to run outside and jump into the van, he ignored all the extra work I put into making a better place for him. He would not go into his new spot for anything. It took almost 14 hours of driving before he realized that not only would he still be coming with us if he moved to this new place, but that he would be more comfortable in the new place, too.
We are so like that dog of mine. We ask God for something, whimper and moan and groan while He is preparing things, and then we don’t even move into the new and better place He has prepared until He has had to show us a few dozen times that it truly is better.
God will never leave us behind. He is preparing a wonderful place for each of us, not only in heaven but also here on earth. He is listening, He is loving, He is patient (thankfully) during our whimpering. Most of all, His abundance of grace and mercy and love will never cease to bring us into better and better places.
We are so like that dog of mine. We ask God for something, whimper and moan and groan while He is preparing things, and then we don’t even move into the new and better place He has prepared until He has had to show us a few dozen times that it truly is better.
God will never leave us behind. He is preparing a wonderful place for each of us, not only in heaven but also here on earth. He is listening, He is loving, He is patient (thankfully) during our whimpering. Most of all, His abundance of grace and mercy and love will never cease to bring us into better and better places.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Passing through the storm
Lightning flashes, immediately followed by the crashing sound of thunder. Rain in sheets, wave upon wave upon wave pound down around. We have a purpose; we have to journey on. We could choose to stop and sit through the entirety of the storm, wishing that everything would just blow over, but there is another storm coming, and time is of the essence. What do we do? We slow down, yes, because safety necessitates it, and we pray that God will lead us through. He does; as the storm rages on, we travel, in God’s hands, safely through to the other side where the sun shines brightly and everything sparkles with the remaining drops of rain. Had we stopped, we would still be sitting in the midst of the chaos, and we wouldn’t have achieved our purpose at the end of the journey.
Travel on, follow workers, travel on; God is holding you safe.
Travel on, follow workers, travel on; God is holding you safe.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
July 4th
IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
…
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
…
July 4th… freedom… freedom from tyranny, freedom from persecution, freedom from abuses.
The reason those freedoms have worked so long in the USA is simply Jesus Christ. We live in a country that was built upon the blood, sweat, and tears of our ancestors… people who knew what it meant to be treated as if they were less than human but knew through the saving blood of Jesus that they were, indeed, worthy. It was with the Creator standing behind them that they dared to stand before a mighty king and his military force.
Celebrate the freedoms of our country today, but remember the Creator of those freedoms every day of the year.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
…
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
…
July 4th… freedom… freedom from tyranny, freedom from persecution, freedom from abuses.
The reason those freedoms have worked so long in the USA is simply Jesus Christ. We live in a country that was built upon the blood, sweat, and tears of our ancestors… people who knew what it meant to be treated as if they were less than human but knew through the saving blood of Jesus that they were, indeed, worthy. It was with the Creator standing behind them that they dared to stand before a mighty king and his military force.
Celebrate the freedoms of our country today, but remember the Creator of those freedoms every day of the year.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Teen Years
Question: “I’m wondering how the teenage years will go.”
Answer: “It'll be beautiful—though probably more like white water rafting than boating on a quiet lake.”
What an image and what a positive outlook on what would otherwise be viewed as a time of drudgery and pain. Of course, we all know that there will be times of difficulty and pain, but I am so inspired by this view.
If we only focus on the rocks, we will miss the beauty that surrounds us. This goes not just for the teen years, but for every day of our lives. Embrace the adventure and enjoy the ride.
Answer: “It'll be beautiful—though probably more like white water rafting than boating on a quiet lake.”
What an image and what a positive outlook on what would otherwise be viewed as a time of drudgery and pain. Of course, we all know that there will be times of difficulty and pain, but I am so inspired by this view.
If we only focus on the rocks, we will miss the beauty that surrounds us. This goes not just for the teen years, but for every day of our lives. Embrace the adventure and enjoy the ride.
Friday, March 6, 2009
The secret of the LORD
While reading in the Book of Psalms this morning, I was touched by Psalm 25:14.
The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him,And He will make them know His covenant.
My devotional Bible is the New American Standard Bible. The term ‘secret’ had other translations listed—counsel or intimacy. Obviously, the term intimacy caught my attention. I began thinking about how our relationship with the Lord can only be truly intimate when we fear (respect) Him.
When we have a friend who only calls when she needs something or who is always telling our secrets, we begin to lose respect for that person. We find it hard to trust her, we might begin distancing ourselves from her, and, ultimately, the friendship may fail altogether. Why? Because of a lack of respect. When our spouse has an affair or spends the family money on things that are selfish or wasteful, we will have many issues to work through, but, ultimately, until true respect is built again, the relationship will suffer greatly.
Just as in earthly relationships, true intimacy with God is only achieved when a deep, abiding respect is a fundamental part of growing the relationship. As we respect the Lord—building intimacy with our loving Father, he reveals His covenant to us.
What is His covenant? Literally, it is the covenant He made with Abraham, but also it is the covenant He makes with every believer that He will reveal Himself, making known to us what is the teaching we should follow and the path we should take in life. (John 7:17)
My friends, do you respect the Lord and desire to follow His ways? If you know Him, then the desire is in you. Call out to Him, ask Him to show you what His desire is for you, and let Him know that you care. Just like in any budding relationship or relationship that has faltered, there will be missteps, but God wants simply to hold your hand and be with you as you live this earthly life. He wants to help point out the pitfalls and make sure you don’t miss the abundant treasures hidden (sometimes in plain sight).
The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him,And He will make them know His covenant.
My devotional Bible is the New American Standard Bible. The term ‘secret’ had other translations listed—counsel or intimacy. Obviously, the term intimacy caught my attention. I began thinking about how our relationship with the Lord can only be truly intimate when we fear (respect) Him.
When we have a friend who only calls when she needs something or who is always telling our secrets, we begin to lose respect for that person. We find it hard to trust her, we might begin distancing ourselves from her, and, ultimately, the friendship may fail altogether. Why? Because of a lack of respect. When our spouse has an affair or spends the family money on things that are selfish or wasteful, we will have many issues to work through, but, ultimately, until true respect is built again, the relationship will suffer greatly.
Just as in earthly relationships, true intimacy with God is only achieved when a deep, abiding respect is a fundamental part of growing the relationship. As we respect the Lord—building intimacy with our loving Father, he reveals His covenant to us.
What is His covenant? Literally, it is the covenant He made with Abraham, but also it is the covenant He makes with every believer that He will reveal Himself, making known to us what is the teaching we should follow and the path we should take in life. (John 7:17)
My friends, do you respect the Lord and desire to follow His ways? If you know Him, then the desire is in you. Call out to Him, ask Him to show you what His desire is for you, and let Him know that you care. Just like in any budding relationship or relationship that has faltered, there will be missteps, but God wants simply to hold your hand and be with you as you live this earthly life. He wants to help point out the pitfalls and make sure you don’t miss the abundant treasures hidden (sometimes in plain sight).
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